grandparent with distressed expression contemplating ageism

Have you found yourself taking more care of the grandchildren lately? Has it reached a point where you’ve found yourself more and more drained after each visit? You may have grandparent burnout, a common experience among grandparents who regularly care for their grandchildren.

Symptoms like irritability and exhaustion can characterize grandparent burnout and can even lead to physical symptoms like pain.

What leads to grandparent burnout?

Babysitting grandchildren is a great way to establish and build a healthy, multigenerational bond. It benefits everyone; grandkids and grandparents create grounded relationships, and parents get time off for themselves. But when these visits become more and more frequent, they can take a toll on the grandparents.

These situations can become especially difficult when brought on by changes in the parent’s life circumstances like divorce, work, school, or (sadly) death.

When grandparents feel that they need to assume full or part-time responsibility for their grandchildren, many stress factors come into play. This increased responsibility can lead to grandparent burnout and all its complications.

Grandparenting can be stressful yet incredibly rewarding

Although this increased “parenting” on behalf of grandparents can be stressful and challenging, it can be incredibly rewarding when done properly.

Of course, establishing a healthy relationship and connection with your grandchildren benefits both, but did you know it can also benefit your brain health?

A 2014 study published in Menopause showed that grandmothers assisting in childcare at least one day of the week did better on cognitive tests.

Being in the companionship of a younger generation can also be helpful by keeping you connected to current trends and helping you stay more physically and mentally active.

Ways of bonding closer with your grandchildren

There are many benefits and rewards for all parties involved when grandparents babysit their grandchildren.

Whether you’re looking to establish a healthy relationship or find new ways to bond, here are some ways to further improve your relationship with your grandchildren.

Share common interests

It may seem difficult to establish common interests due to generational differences, but don’t fret – finding your “thing” is easier. Some classic interests transcend generations, like watching sports or movies, making crafts, reading, cooking, and baking. You can always teach and challenge each other with new games to spend time together.

Another fun option is taking day trips to a nearby park to explore the outdoors, a museum, or maybe even a concert.

The memories made together on a day out will bond you over time. Listening to your grandchildren is the best way to find these common interests. You might be surprised by how much you have in common. Take the time to invest in these common interests, and your bond grows.

Share family history

Kids love stories, and you probably have plenty they’ve never heard. Help establish a bond with the broader sense of family by telling them what you know about your family’s history.

Share stories from your grandchildren or maybe even their parent’s youth. They may never meet their great-grandparents, but it doesn’t mean you can’t tell them about what they were like.

Share with your grandchildren what your life was like. Telling them these stories might help you bond in ways you wouldn’t have foreseen. The stories don’t always need to be so personal, either. You can tell them what it was like to live through some eras. Sharing these experiences will give a new dimension to your bond.

Use technology

Some families live hundreds or even thousands of miles apart, making bonding with grandchildren harder. For these types of situations, technology is your best friend. With the creation of applications like Skype, Facetime, and  Zoom, staying in contact with each other is easier than ever.

Use these opportunities to discuss common interests, tell family stories, or listen to your grandchildren talk about their day. If technology isn’t your strong suit, ask your grandchildren to teach you how to operate these apps. This exchange also connects you two because teaching is a great way to connect.

Try one-on-one time

This option is especially important for grandparents with multiple grandchildren. Establishing a strong bond may be difficult if you’re always in a group with your grandchildren.

Take the time to hang out with each grandchild individually every once in a while. Tailor these moments to each grandchild’s interests to connect personally and create a lasting bond.

When doing this, be conscious of how much time you spend with each grandchild and how often to ensure all your grandkids get an equal amount of your time.

This experience also benefits you as you don’t expend as much energy with one grandchild as you would with keeping up with multiple kids.

Don’t compete

This might not be the first thing people think of when creating a better bond with grandchildren, but it’s an essential step. Remember not to compete with other grandparents for your grandchild’s affection and love.

There is no need to compete with your grandchild’s other grandparents to be the “best” or “favorite”. This can alienate your grandchild or lead to an unhealthy relationship with the other grandparents. Instead of viewing it as competition, look at it as a way for your grandchildren to grow up surrounded by love.

Tired of grandparent burnout? Here’s what you can do

Although these are all fun and great ideas of things to do with your grandchildren, being responsible and caring for grandchildren too often can be draining.

Many can find themselves overwhelmed and can experience burnout. While it is not bad to assume an active role in your grandchild’s life, it is important to avoid burnout. Believe it or not, there are many ways to easily and efficiently avoid grandparent burnout.

Scheduling

One of the most powerful tools for avoiding burnout is having a preplanned schedule. Working with parents to devise a routine babysitting schedule allows you to maintain control of your own time.

Don’t overburden yourself by overscheduling, and allow yourself to only care for the kids at a rate that isn’t exhausting.

Parents also need to stay on schedule and respect pick-up times so they can maintain their own life. As a way of respecting your time, parents should also have a Plan B in case you are unavailable. Establishing and maintaining a routine with support and clear rules will help keep everybody happy.

Self-care

Taking care of yourself on your time off is important to be healthy and ready for when you do have to care for your grandchildren.

Eating right, taking medication, along with regular sleep and exercise are all things that will help your health in the long run. Taking time to indulge in your hobbies and activities to relax and unwind is necessary, not a luxury.

These activities will help you relax, unwind, and recover, which is important to avoid burnout. Also, remember you don’t have to do everything yourself. Know your limits and stick within them. Avoid overextending yourself, but learn to take care of yourself on time to help recover.

Communication

Clear communication between yourself, the parents, and the grandchildren is important. Clear communication about boundaries and rules will help protect everyone and avoid miscommunication. Communicating your limitations will help everyone understand what can be comfortably done and what can’t.

Speaking clearly about what is expected from you and what you expect from others will help create an understanding environment.

Allowing all parties, grandchildren included, to verbalize doubts, concerns, and positive things like praise will help create this healthy environment.

Included in this step, communication should remain open while you have the kids to ensure parents are available if needed. They should be available through text or call if any questions or concerns occur.

Acknowledge feelings

As a part of having clear communication, acknowledging feelings is also essential. Processing your feelings is important to recognize whether you’re on the way to burnout. It’s also essential for mental and emotional health.

Checking in with yourself on how you’ve been feeling and accepting your feelings, whether good or bad, helps maintain a healthy inner dialogue. Having these check-ins with yourself helps later when you have check-ins with your children and their children.

Everyone should be allowed to state their feelings in a clear, non-judgemental environment. If something is not working, work together through the issues to find a solution for everyone.

When you start feeling overwhelmed, tired, or fatigued, bring it up early because you might face burnout if you wait too long.

Support system for grandparent burnout

Finally, a support system is one of the biggest helpers in avoiding grandparent burnout. Although you are a part of your grandchildren’s support system and their parents consider you a part of their support system, you can rely on them too!

Grandchildren can help however they can, be it cleaning up after themselves or following established rules to help you avoid too much of a burden.

Their parents can help you by respecting your time and boundaries and answering your questions.

Expand your support system by seeking out possible other grandparents for advice or maybe even playdates to help keep everyone entertained and protected.

You are part of a support system, and it’s also okay to seek a support system.

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